reunification

Well, I survived my much anticipated / dreaded 20th year class reunion. I feel a bit like McKay did last week when we finally had his birthday party (after two years of being out of town on his birthday and making do with be-candled angel food cake in campgrounds, he got to have a big friend party so we went all out with the Harry Potter theme). The night after McKay’s party, when found him crying in bed, I asked him: “Hey buddy, what’s wrong? Didn’t you have a good time?” And he said, “I had a great time. But now what?”

So here I am, on the other side of three reunion parties (two of which I helped plan and one of which I was in charge of) and I’m thinking now what? I had a great time catching up with old friends (the emphasis being on the OLD part – we’re a bunch of dinosaurs) and as I truly have fond memories of High School, the walk down memory lane took me past some pleasant recollections. But at the end of the lane, there is nothing looming - no big events, no destinations, just my ordinary, somewhat boring life.

I was tempted to invent myself a better life for bragging purposes at the reunion dinner. Moi? I’m a freelance writer with a 7-figure contract in the works….Oh, I just have 8 children, all of whom are Olympic hopefuls in various sports, but how about yourself?... Yes, my husband produces feature films, but lately he’s far too busy with his humanitarian missions to Bangladesh and composing those pesky Nobel Prize acceptance speeches.

At the dinner, they gave away door prizes to the alumni with the most children, the most years of post-High School education, the most visited countries under their belts, etc. I, of course, won nothing. Had they given prizes in the following categories, I would have walked away with my arms full:

• Most recent Lasik surgery (Monday) and thus the most hideous broken blood vessels in her eyes and the fewest intact eyelashes and the blotchiest makeup and most frequent trips out into the hall for another hit of eyedrops.

• Best impersonation of a drug addict (see above).

• Most national parks under her belt (17).

• Most pounds lost for the reunion (15, which was far less than I had hoped to lose, but at least I didn’t have to wear maternity clothes. Oh, wait, my skirt was actually one I bought at Motherhood. Drat. But, hey, it was really stretchy material).

• Most likely to show up spouse-less to the reunion (Ken argued that he would be bored and he might as well stay home so we could save the $50 and the cost of a babysitter).

• Best adult re-enactment of her teenage wallflower days. People kept telling me that I haven’t changed a bit since graduation, but while I’m clinging like a barnacle to my far more attractive and popular friend Kathy and her husband Rick as they navigated the crowd, I'm thinking: yeah, I remember feeling exactly this insecure at every gymnasium dance I ever attended. Good grief!

• Most overdue library fines paid in the last 20 years.

• Largest collection of mustard bottles past their expiration dates in her fridge.

Gee, talk about your exotic life. I could have put all those doctors and professional musicians in my class to shame. But instead, I chose not to hog the limelight because that’s just the kind of selfless person I am. I can’t guarantee such modesty at the 40th reunion so watch out. Which reminds me, I’d better get busy because I only have 240 months to lose a few more pounds…