Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What is that maniacal laughter I hear coming from upstairs?

I am liking my blog again. I went through a little phase where I was proud of what I had written in the past but also feeling resentful and imposed upon to keep it up. To wax Brontë-esque, I was ready to move on with my life but I couldn't because I still had that darn lunatic first wife locked up in the attic.

This week, I am back to enjoying my blog and wanting to feed it and keep it happy. I think this is due in part to learning about blooks and also seeing my blog as more of an asset than a liability. A blog can be a great platform - to use the publishing lingo - from which to build other things, or launch a career, do some really wicked tap-dancing, or maybe guillotine some heads (whatever it is one does on a platform).

In that spirit, I'm willing to do fun things, like enter that lovely writing contest Michelle hosts every month. (The topic is "learning" so I submitted this post about blank slates). I also thought I'd post a little fragmentary idea that has been floating around in my head for a few days. If I had more time, I'd develop it fully and come up with illustrations to match, but of course (the overarching THEME of this blog if ever there was one) I have no time because while I may not have much of an attic, I do have 4 kids to deal with and I am my own crazy first wife.

So here's the idea:

You know those Usborne touchy-feely books where each one is based on the phrase "That's not my...."? We own That's not my train, That's not my puppy, That's not my lion, That's not my monster and I think one more but it must be buried somewhere under Gabie's bed. Inside each book, it goes through 4 or 5 pages of things like "That's not my lion. Its ears are too soft." and "That's not my lion. Its paws are too rough." On the last page, you finally get "THAT's my lion! His mane is so shaggy." Anyway, I think you'd have to know the genre to appreciate it, but I'd like to write a new one called That's not my mommy. Here's what I've come up with so far....

That's not my mommy. Her hair is too pretty.

That's not my mommy. Her face is too smooth.

That's not my mommy. Her eyes are too bright and perky.

That's not my mommy. She looks way too good in jeans.

That's not my mommy. She smells too sweet and clean (okay, so now it has become a scratch and sniff book).

(and finally,)

THAT's my mommy! Her lap is so wide and squishy.



I don't know, do you think Usborne will go for it?

9 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

Well, Bertha Mason and I are laughing together, because I think your Usborne-to-be book is hilarious. But it must be written from MY children's perspective....

Kimberly said...

I'd buy that book!

I like my bloggy platform too. It's helping me get used to heights.

An Ordinary Mom said...

We love the "That's not my ..." books. I think Usborne should pay you for that one ... especially since we all feel it could be ourselves!

Geo said...

It's nice to feel your renewed energy and excitement for blogging.

If Usborne won't take your idea, then you oughta approach some cosmetic company. You've definitely got an audience!

Goslyn said...

You know, I think I have a copy of that book on my shelf!

Glad you're feeling bloggy again.

Jennifer B. said...

Hillarious!

Eve said...

OKay I've just been reading those at a friends house recently. And I love the finally one, especially since everytime my kids get board they pull out my belly flab and start kneading it like bread dough!

Stacey @ Happy Are We said...

Funniest line of this post: "I am my own crazy first wife." I'd like to stitch that onto a sampler or something. So funny!!!

Magpie said...

I do love that.