Arcimboldo, The LibrarianI got a call from the library today. The book Snails and Slugs that we returned this week was apparently damaged while in our possession – the tip of the right corner has little bite marks all over it. The librarian asked me if we have a puppy. “Nope,” I replied, “but apparently we have snails or slugs.”
She was not amused. I confessed that we do have a teething baby who takes to gnawing on anything with fiber content. "Just put it on our tab please. We aim to single-handedly keep the library running through our generous donations of late fees and damaged book costs."
Too bad the librarian had no sense of humor. She might have gotten a kick out of the other abused books on our record. Along with the chewed slug book, she’d note a rather surreal pattern that includes 1) a book about the Bermuda Triangle that inexplicably vanished while in our home and then (after we had paid for it) reappeared months later on the library shelf, 2) a book about the Titanic that suffered water damage, and 3) the Curious George book – the one where George gets into trouble for ripping pages out of his books – with (you guessed it) torn pages. Apparently I run the worst kind of negligent bookophile household, but in my defense, the last one's really not my fault. Everyone knows that stupid monkey is a bad influence.