Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Thirteen things that really scare me

In honor of the Halloween season, the appropriately numbered (for the superstitiously inclined anyway) Thursday 13 meme, and the recent return of The Scream to the Munch Museum, I present:

Thirteen things that really scare me

1. The fact that The Scream was stolen in the first place. In broad daylight. By two scrawny guys who lifted the painting off the wall and walked out the door with it. Is nothing safe these days? Next thing you know they’ll be using a flat bed truck and a crane to swipe a 2-ton Henry Moore sculpture. Oh wait, that's been done already.

2. My boys are fearless. This scares me. I have tried my best to instill in them a healthy mix of timidity, paranoia, and the phobias that have served me well, but they insist on facing life with childish exuberance and daring. Where have I gone wrong?

3. You want to know what truly scares the b’geebers out of me? Two words: SECOND MORTGAGE.

4. Oh, and three more words: VARIABLE INTEREST RATE. See, my heart is pounding just from typing it.

5. Black cats. Slinking away from our sandbox. With guilty expressions on their little whiskered faces.

6. Go right ahead and skate your fingernails all over the chalkboard. What really makes my skin scrawl is the unmistakable sound of a giant box of Lego being dumped out onto the carpet.

7. My little baby sister likes to B.A.S.E. jump for fun (and I suspect B.A.S.E. stands for Barreling off Any Stupidly-high Elevation). Her favorites are bridges and 3,000 foot high cliffs in Norway. I’m afraid that one of these days her parachute may not open. I’m afraid that the crazy gene might run in the family. And now I’m afraid that when she’s done with law school next spring she’ll sue me for libel. I love you Anne! *big hug*

[*EEEEK!* I just did a search to see how high the cliffs in Norway really are and the first dozen Google entries are about how the pioneer of B.A.S.E. jumping died this week jumping off a bridge. Are you listening Anne?]

8. It’s entirely possible that J.K. Rowling could be hit by a bus before completing the last book in the series. And then we’ll never know what happens to Harry. (cue loud suspenseful chords)

9. Strains of bacteria are becoming increasingly immune to antibiotics.

10. My 4 year old is becoming increasingly immune to threats of “I’m gonna count to five…”

11. I have been driving a car for 20 years. Why do I still get nervous when I have to merge onto the freeway? How ridiculous is that? I mean how scary could it be to thread a lethal hunk of steel on wheels in between other lethal hunks of steel while accelerating to a speed of 65 miles per hour? Piece of cake you big wuss.

12. I can save up food storage and 72-hour kits for a catastrophe, practice family fire drills, teach my kids to fear strangers, and smear on the sunscreen. But what about those perils too big and too random for me to control? Global warming, drunk drivers, school shootings, international terrorism, packaged spinach – to me, these are the scariest things of all. Unfortunately, my parenting strategy of choice (never let them leave the house™) has been vetoed by my husband. Darn pragmatist.

13. What if my writing sucks? What if tomorrow I can’t think of anything to write about? (You’re only as good as your last blog you know.) What if I’m not nearly as funny as I think I am and what if the people who say nice things on my blog just do it because I visited their blog and now they feel obligated? How come my family members never post comments anymore? Are they embarrassed by / for me? What if *gasp* I have an annoying tendency to get…way…too…DRAMATIC?!!! *pant pant*

Excuse me. I think I need to go breathe into a paper bag.


Tracie said...

Great list. It scares me too that my daughter is fearless. We were at the fair last night and my 3 year old wanted to ride on rides that turn upside down and spin around. Why doesn't that healthy paranoia cary over to the next generation?

My TT is up!

Chelle Y. said...

That Lego one made me laugh. Every time my son received Legos for a gift at a birthday party, I would glare at the mother giving it! Haha!

You'll never know how many times I stepped on those crazy things!

Sally said...

Hey, fellow you've got me all freaked out about everything! Seriously, life IS scary, huh? I just have to put that stuff out of my mind for daily life or else I'd drive myself and everyone else crazy!

scribbit said...

I was just thinking about that base jumping death, spooky--and can I add the sound of a toilet overflowing scares me? I'm always paranoid about that one. You should see me sprint it when I hear someone's muffled in-bathroom voice say, "Mom, the toilet's not going down . . . "

MysteriousLady said...

Yup, 9 scares me. Being a nurse, you don't want to really know how bad it really is. Make sure those boys wash their hands alot. Eat at home.

Happy TT!

Ruth said...

I hate merging too, will drive detours to avoid it if possible...

Anonymous said...

Grinning at #13. :) A lot of those things ARE scary.

Happy TT. :)

Michelle said...

Nice job on your first TT!

Radioactive Jam said...

Thursday Thirteens scare me. That whole plan, schedule, perform thing. Pressure!!!

And I really like the twist in #5. And while I don't feel any obligation to read and/or comment here (#13), I do feel compelled. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Well okay sure, there *might* be something wrong, it could be just another aspect or manifestation of a raging case of OCD. But still.

Anonymous said...

This cracked me up! I totally think you're funny.

The Imperfect Christian said...

That is a great list!! I can sympathise with you on many of those!!

My TT is up too!

Ghost said...

My son has little dents in his walls from where he would POP! his Lego creations apart to watch them fly all over the room and his GP's were so proud of all of the things he would build with them. Of course, they don't have to repair the walls. ;)

Have a Happy!

Chaotic Mom said...

I laughed out loud at the legos bit, for I understand all too well. The bacteria one scares the shit out of me, though. Seriously. Good list!

I've posted my Thursday Thirteen, too. Enjoy! ;)

Melissa said...

I agree with the Legos one. That sound scares me, too.

I have to add that haunted houses and houses that even resemble haunted houses (on Halloween) scare the crap out of me. I'm terrified of them. Don't know why, but I am.

Thirteen 10th Birthday Photos

N. Mallory said...

I'm pretty scared of the first mortgage to tell you the truth. ;)

Great list! Happy TT!

owlhaven said...

#13 is funny!

Hi from a fellow blogging chick!

Mary, mom to many

Sparky Duck said...

Great list, though the BASE jumping story is scary, I heard that on the news the other day. Did you try counting to 3 yet??

Buttercup said...

Nice post. I imagine that if and when I become a mom, I'll share many of those same concerns about my kids. Thanks for stopping by!

Kimberly said...

I'm only visiting here so you'll visit me and stroke my ego. Yup, that's what it's all about. =P

You are delightful, funny, intelligent, and all kinds of other good stuff!

The Lazy Organizer said...

Very scary list! I shouldn't have read it right before I go to bed. Now I'm going to have nightmares about jumping off a 3,000 foot high Henry Moore sculpture with a Lego parachute and upon landing I’ll get hit by Rowling as she’s driving a bus while writing the last Harry Potter book. Instead of dying on impact, I’ll perish from my immunity to antibiotics before the nurse can count to five.

Junosmom said...

>>What if my writing sucks? What if tomorrow I can’t think of anything to write about? >>

Well, you and I have many things in common, especially #13. I just found you through Planet Nomad and plan to bookmark you. I like your style. And, you've not been to my blog, so there, I'm not just being nice.

And, if you want family to comment, try writing about them. Guaranteed to elicit responses :-)

badteri said...

"How come my family members never post comments anymore? Are they embarrassed by / for me?"

Maybe they are more embarrassed that they have never read your blog before tonight...
...and maybe that is because they are so busy doing crazy things like taking "theatre tape" which is actually called gaffers tape to their sisters who are staying up all night making Star Wars costumes and then going over to their brother's to make pop machine costumes.
...or maybe it's because they tried to read it at school but it was blocked...and maybe that's beacuse of all the "art" pictures.
... or maybe it's because they think that in order to comment they have to be able to write well...
...or maybe it's because they didn't realize until tonight that you are an amazing and insightful writer.
... or maybe it's because I'm a terrible slacker and had no idea what I was missing.
Thank you for being so funny, and for loving art, and for knowing so much, and for baring your soul and being willing to admit your weaknesses on-line, and for being a great little sister.
I laughed and cried and nodded my head all the way through your last 4 blogs.
You are simply amazing. I love you.