Friday, November 10, 2006

To be read while humming “Taps”

I am sorry to announce that at 12:55 pm on November 9, 2006, my well-worn and much beloved copy of Roget’s College Thesaurus fell upon the tile floor and split in two. Please join me in a moment of silence.

I have known for some time that my Roget’s days were numbered on this earth (as it has been shedding random pages), but I was still emotionally unprepared for the loss. The fatal split occurred between pages 300 and 301, forever exposing the words: irate, irksome and irreparable as well as ironically and invincible. Coincidence? I think not.

I purchased the paperback thesaurus along with a big stack of textbooks my very first semester of college. It has been with me ever since – through countless term papers, a 125-page thesis and most recently a slew of blog entries. A truer writing companion I could not hope to find. Never once did it criticize my verbosity or mock my fear of redundancy – a fear so great I could not write an essay without searching several times through its nuanced pages.

Oh sure, I’ve tried other thesauruses (thesauri?...thesaurae?). I even once bought a deluxe hardbound edition. But they were always organized according to some foreign code known only to the secret society of thesaurus editors. I always returned – contrite and apologetic – to my little red Roget. Online versions leave me wanting. And the built-in synonyms feature in MS Word is just plain pitiful, a word which – according to what is now the Volume II half of my old Roget’s Thesaurus – is akin to deplorable, wretched, lamentable, piteous, and paltry.

Bear with me as I may be inconsolable for a few days while I work through the grieving process. In the meantime, I will end with a few words of farewell to my loyal friend: goodbye, so long, Godspeed, shalom, adios, till we meet again, sayonara, and adieu.

8 comments:

meno said...

In your time of loss and pain, just remember that there are those who understand what you are going through.
Condolences.

scribbit said...

I need a new Websters, my 1988 edition is severely out of date, but we've been together so long I can't imagine being with another. All those words I've looked up the past 28 years circled in red . . . that's irreplaceable.

Bernita said...

We understand.
My Merriam-Webster has no covers, the "A's" are detached and back pages shed frequently.

Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) said...

How very tragic.

The Lazy Organizer said...

See, I’m such a pitiable, inexpert writer that I thought Word was doing a tremendous, obliging job.

Julie said...

Thank you all for you kind words. This could all be for the best. I even just resisted the urge to look up "kind" for other alternatives.

owlhaven said...

Two words for you: duct tape.

It has gracelessly but effectively extended the life of many an old book at our house.

Mary

Lani from The Wooden Porch said...

Oh goodness, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! I just read everything on the page. I laughed so hard at your children's book post. Which, also makes you a winner of the LOL Monday award. Every Monday I give that out to a blog/(s) that has made me laugh (and I mean really, really laugh). If you want the code for the button, I can email it to you. My email is on my blog. It's great to meet you!

http://thewoodenporch.blogspot.com/