Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Doctor Doctor give me the news

What we learned from yesterday’s visit to our pediatrician’s office:

Nora has R.S.V. and an ear infection in her left ear.

Gabie has an ear infection in his right ear (they make a nice pair).

Score one for parental intuition. After 11+ years of this gig, we’re getting pretty good at diagnosing ear infections. What was our first clue, you ask? Well, it could have been when Gabie was crying and delirious in the middle of the night and saying his right ear hurt. Or perhaps it was when Nora, the world’s happiest baby became Nora, the baby who wails in pain on and off all day and night and then starts tugging at her left ear as if there were a painful buildup of fluid and infection in it. That may have been it. It’s all pretty subtle stuff, you know, but we’re getting to be quite perceptive.

What we learned from today’s visit to the “Gabie Hospital.”

There’s always a long line of patients in the waiting room of Gabie Hospital “because most of them have to be treated after they broke themselves. Again” (Apparently they do a fair amount of self-breakage, these high-maintenance patients.)

Note the nearly homogeneous racial profiles of the patients in line. Gabie Hospital has a long way to go towards desegregation. Only the dude with the red fur seems to have broken the black/white barrier.

Elmo’s ears checked out, but he will need to have braces on his teeth. The Doc told him to come back when his baby teeth are out and his permanent teeth are in. "Then he will have to have his jaw broken and stapled back together." Run Elmo run.

Penguins get lots of ear infections. According to Doctor Gabriel, this is because “the wax in their ears gets iced and then the ice cuts them and that creates infections.” Why they left this vital information out of the March of the Penguins documentary I can’t imagine.

Dr. Gabriel informed me that while “McKay is the other doctor at the hospital, you can only be a nurse because women can’t be doctors.” Ouch! Where on earth did he get that idea? I hold those pernicious Curious George books entirely responsible for this!

Just in case you were going to pay Gabie Hospital a visit (and planning to paint yourself black and white first for better service), I’m sorry to say that because of mean Nurse Mom, the hospital had to temporarily shut down. When I told the hospital administrator that it was NOT OKAY for him to use all 500 Q-tips in the box and then litter the bedroom operating room floor with them (hello, biohazard?), he was not pleased. “Thanks a lot mom,” Dr. Gabie pouted, “without supplies Gabie Hospital will have to go out of business.”

Tomorrow, look for the grand opening of Gabie’s Orthodontist Office.


Radioactive Jam said...

Is maternal rest one of the treatment side effects? Hope so--

And there are worse careers than nursing, right? Oops, wrong answer...

An Ordinary Mom said...

Maybe Doctor Gabriel could take a look in my ear. I went to the doctor today because my right ear is plugged. Their diagnosis? Complete blockage of the right ear. Apparently there is cemented in ear wax right up next to my ear drum. Moral of the day - DO NOT USE Q-TIPS!

After an hour of them trying to flush my ear, the hot water ran out. Blockage, still completely intact and now my ear is somewhat bleeding. The hearing in my right ear is now worse than ever before - in fact I don't think any hearing exists on that side anymore.

They then sent me home and told me to try using ear wax softener and told me to come back in a few days. Any advice from your resident doctor? I would gladly try anything at this point!

I hope your little ones get better soon!

Kimberly said... face seriously hurts from laughing! Hope laughter is the best medicine and those kidlets of yours get feeling better soon!

The Lazy Organizer said...

You are so lucky to have that kind of medical facility right in your own home. I hope the patients don't get rowdy. If I come in with an ear infection can I get braces too? I'll be sure to get outfitted in the correct color scheme.

I'm so sorry about the ear infections. We've only ever had one of those. We must have very big, well draining ears around here.

meno said...

So will there be dental floss all over the floor now?

Fantastic Five said...

Sorry to hear of the illnesses running around. Hopefully all will be well soon.

scribbit said...

I voted for you today, good luck!