Monday, January 15, 2007

lazy shade of winter

Brueghel Winter
So much for my follow-up post on entropy. I’ll write it eventually. Just as soon as I get my thoughts organized. (Ah, the irony).

Today I’d rather whine about how cold I am. We’ve had arctic temperatures for several days in a row and it’s beginning to dawn on me that we could have imported Gabie’s penguins after all since they would have been very comfortable living here.

I must warn you (just in case you were thinking of paying a visit to see the penguins when they arrive) I get grouchy when I’m cold. I also get lethargic, depressed, and full of an icy brand of self-pity. All I really want to do is crank up the thermostat and make a blanket tent over the heat vent. But I can’t do that for many reasons, some of which involve the price of natural gas and some of which involve the fact that I still have to be a parent and it’s hard to parent from the heat vent (not that I haven’t tried). So I put on another pair of socks and I try to cope. I also eat more graham crackers because the signal telling my brain that those graham crackers are not, in fact, making me warmer has bogged down somewhere in the frozen tundra between my ears.

I’ve always assumed that I would be a happier person if I lived in a warmer climate. I would also be kinder, more productive, less forgetful and heaven knows thinner because of the graham cracker issue. However, I have never been able to adequately test this theory since the one summer I lived in Arizona I worked at a waterpark where I spent every day in an office air-conditioned to the comfort level of the White Witch. (My co-worker, good friend and perpetual warm-state dweller Tara will vouch for me on this one). So all that summer I wore sweaters to work while the temperature outside simmered in the triple digits and people delirious with heat stroke threw themselves under moving vehicles to end their suffering. I say, bring on the heat! Bring on the delirium! I would prefer it over this turpitude.

OK, so turpitude is not the word I wanted at all. I was after torpitude, which is rather a different concept all together. I am somewhat cheered however by what I found when I did a Google search for turpitude:

Sponsored Links
Bargain Prices. Smart Deals.
Find Turpitude Now!

It’s good to know everything is for sale.


Anonymous said...

Oklahoma is buried under a solid sheet of ice, I hate being cold. (But I am grateful we have power.) I lived in Arizona for a whole year and I loved it. I think it was the pure sunshine.

meno said...

It's freaking cold here too. Which is most unusual.

Em is hoping for yet another snow day tomorrow.

allysha said...

Oh, you made me laugh. I don't like being cold. But I think I hate being too hot more. One can always put on more layers, drink some more cocoa, or take a warm bath, but with heat...well, there is only so far you can go, and even passing the realm of decency may not cool you off enough.

I'm also glad someone out there is selling turpitude. I think you should hold a contest to give it a definition. Mine would be a combo of turpentine and attitude. Or something.

I hope you warm up soon!

Anonymous said...

Cold's not fun. I'm cold from October to April unless I'm pregnant.

Anonymous said...

My hands are freezing right now as I type this comment. Our computer sits next to our window and the cold air is just pouring in ... at least that is how it feels. I also froze last night when our apartment building's fire alarm went off at midnight ... the poor kids were shivering as we waited outside for the firemen to do their job. Luckily everything was OK.

I hope you warm up soon. Drink a good cup of hot cocoa while you eat your graham crackers ... unless you are still in detox mode :) !!

Anonymous said...

I hate being too cold or too hot. I'm a wimp. Over here in Australia we're in the middle of a heatwave (100F plus for several days running) and I'm praying for a cool change. That said, our cool change would be incredibly mild by your cold standards :)

Anonymous said...

For your convenience here's a "top ten" list of keywords related to this post.

* Entropy
* Penguins
* Blanket tent
* Graham crackers
* Tundra
* Waterpark
* Narnia
* Delirium
* Turpitude
* Torpitude

What amazes me: you manage to connect these admittedly somewhat "disparate" topics in a single, nicely flowing coherent post, without using contrived segues or nonsequiturs.

All I can say is "more, please."

TARA said...

If only you'd come visit Arizona in the winter....

And yes, I have a space heater under my desk here at work. I run it every day - winter or summer. I think the AC comes on in this office everyday - winter or summer. Since I sit under a vent it means the top half of me is always cold (even with my jacket that I wear inside in the winter - though I can leave it in the office to walk back out to my car to go home for lunch most days) and the bottom half of me is always nice and toasty.

That being said, it is supposed to hit a sunny 61 degrees today! Last week we hit 70 a couple of days - I'm still wearing shorts to go to the gym or ride my bike afterwards.

When it warms up in Orem I'll head up for a visit...

Anonymous said...

Radioactive Jam, you are hilarious. I loved your top 10 list.

Julie, this is one of the few sites where I love to come back and just read the comments that people leave for you.

I echo RJ, "more, please."

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain here in Boise. It is 13 degrees outside, and I am beginning to ask "why did we move here?" Oh yeah, a good paying job. Last winter was seriously not this cold.

Love your blog!

Kimberly said...

I too am becoming a passionate fan. "Please, sir, I'd like some more!"

Your posts are a feast for the intellect!

I myself wither in the heat and hibernate in the cold. We just moved somewhere with extremes of both. I figure I'll get about 2-3 months of productivity per year. =P

happy mommy said...

Fantastic post. I am ready to apologize to my children and husband and get the heck outta where we are, because of the snow and cold. I'm sick of it.

I'd even go stay with my mother in law in AZ. That is how desperate I am at this point.