Tuesday, March 06, 2007

My future defense attorney

Sibling rivalry is one thing, but when it comes to blows, I have a zero tolerance policy in my home. If one child hits, kicks, bites, or explodes their latest Lego spacecraft above his brother’s head, he gets an instant time out, no questions asked. Predictably, after jail time has been served, I go to release the offender and hear all kinds of “it was HIS fault” arguments -- “He looked at me funny” “He called me a Snooter” “He was born in July.” I’ve tried to explain to them that there is simply no excuse for violence, ever. But gradually, my mini-lecture has been reduced to a simple, familiar exchange (and not only do they know the routine, they know that any hint of eye-rolling will result in a revoking of their parole).

Me: When is it okay to hit your brother?
Penitent child: Never.
Me: That’s right. Now go your way and sin no more.

See how simple that is? And oh so effective because after one time, they never ever fight with their brothers again. *Ahem.*

Anyway, Gabie, (as Gabies are wont to do) felt inclined to rewrite the script. He got in a tussle with McKay and kicked him. After his time-out, I commenced the rehearsed dialogue:

Me: When it is okay to kick your brother?
Gabie: Never.
Me: That’s right.
Gabie: Unless you’re Satan.

Oh dear. I’m sure he meant it in the “just pointing out the loop-hole in your theory” way rather than the “considering joining forces with Beelzebub” way. Still, I had to pause for a moment to pick my jaw off the floor. Where in the world does he get this stuff? And how should I respond? Do I laugh? Do I feign dismay? Do I put him back in time-out while I think about it?

In the end, I said, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” And then he ran off to listen to a tape in his room – one of the collections of Bible stories he listens to over and over and over.


Kimberly said...

Emma is looking at me oddly because I'm giggling at the computer. She's wandered over to see what's so funny but she doesn't get it. Hee hee!

An Ordinary Mom said...

Gabie is so clever, he certainly knows how to think outside the box. I love how he says these things so matter of factly and then just runs off to do his thing.

I think I would have let him out of "jail," too. Even if I didn't, I would have been so dumbfounded and flabbergasted that he would have just stolen the keys and let himself out.

Jane said...

Maybe Gabie will become a lawyer (because of his reasoning skills) or maybe he will become an insurance salesman after all he did follow up a devilish thought with a chaser of religion. Either way, that is a funny story to tell his friends when he is older!

Em said...

He's so funny & clever!

Kate said...

Good for you. Now you have some circumstantial proof that your son is probably NOT the Antichrist. It's a good start.

Trina said...

Now THAT is funny! I'm sure it's to demonstrate the loophole.....rofl

Luisa Perkins said...

Oh, that is an EXCELLENT story. Thanks for the laugh.

strauss said...

That is a hilarious come back.
I think I woudl have been doubled over laughing if my child had siad that.

Radioactive Jam said...

Definitely he gets points for creative thinking, if not shock value. But it's still not okay, though someone other than you will be handing out the eternal consequence.

LaughingElk said...

A clear case of Hodgekin's law of parallel parental development

We've got a dialog almost like that at our house, but it goes like this:

Me: Go to time out!
Child: But she called me a dummy!
Me: When is it okay to hit your sister?
Child: (Rolling eyes) When she turns into a giant robot and attacks the city.
Me: That's right. Now go to time out.

Heth said...

This has me seriously cracking up.

Stephanie said...

Brilliant! I'm glad I was reading this alone or else I would've gotten a lot of strange looks laughing so loud at the computer.

txmommy said...

that's funny, kids think of the craziest things.

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